Where do we go from here?

Eh, nagparamdam na sya.

Last week, it was Wednesday I had a nightmare. Really bad dream. When I woke up, I texted Ate, then I cried. Then I texted him. I texted him not sa viber, on his cellphone talaga. Was trembling sa takot, I just want him to know na naisip ko sya bigla after ng bad dream ko. Naisip ko sya na, what if na-deds ako sa pagtulog ko, as in never ko na sya makakausap/makikita or at least ma-inform sya that I love him.

Unexpectedly, I received a message from him sa viber that morning. He just said pasensya na, akala nya na-hack daw ni Avegail yun viber nya. She messaged daw lahat nung mga nakaka-chat nya, blah blah blah. Sabi ko lang di ko gets. Hahaha and I asked if na-receive nya text ko. Didnt answer na.

Thursday after, he called me on viber. May message pala sya but di nag-notify, so he called. Saying he didnt get my message and ano daw panaginip ko.

So slight kinuwento ko sa kanya panaginip ko. And weird nya kausap, kase parang walang nangyari. Parang di sya nawala ng almost 3 weeks. And then sabi nya message message na lang daw coz  baka makatulugan nya ako, past 5am pa lang daw don. Sabi ko sige, then ni-forward ko yun text ko. Nag-worry sya, baket daw ako nanaginip ng ganon, buti raw mababaw tulog ko.

Later on sabi nya "tabi ka na lang saken bilis". Sabi ko "that was yesterday pa, i'm ok na" then baka raw makatulog na sya ulet, so sabi ko go back to sleep. At ang fave nya pang lambing "paamoy" followed by "mwah" I just replied with an smiley emoticon. Then I didnt hear from him na ulet.

Saturday, he called me at 6 in the morning. Akala nya ata may pasok ako. Hahha he's on his way home. We talked for less than an hour.

Nakapagkwentuhan kame kahit papano. I told him that I went to the beach on weekend, he said baket di ako nag send ng pictures. I was like "nagpapatawa ka ba? Diba di tayo nag uusap?"

Ayun, sinabi na nya yun about his text ng wednesday. And then "hindi pala madali makipaghiwalay pag sa Pilipinas ka kinasal", he talked to the girl daw and he said to her "maghiwalay na tayo", she said daw na "pag naghiwalay tayo, ikaw ang gagastos sa lahat. Sisiguraduhin ko may makukuha ako sayo" and sisiraan daw nya si Constancio sa babae na isusunod sa kanya. So I guess, walang hiwalayang mangyayari :(

He never said sorry for being gone. The only explanation he has was that he thought his accounts were hacked. Hindi sya nagme-message thinking makikita ni Avegail. Hindi rin nya ako  ma-text using his number, kase lalabas sa bill nya. And sa email nya dumarating statement nya.

So binaba namin, kase he's home na. He said he'll call again kase lipat na sya sa wifi, and he called me "Baby" again.

But, he never called.

On Sunday, I tried messaging him on viber, and he just replied with "pakagat", sumagot ako ng "kagat ka dyan", "musta". Just delivered.

Its Monday, and di ko alam ano na meron later. If he will call me again or magte-text ba sya.

Ano na status namin? Ano na meron kame? Does he still wants me? May feelings pa ba sya? Uuwi pa ba sya? Magkikita pa rin ba kame? Paano na sila?

Laki ng talo ko dito. Wala naman pala ako aasahan. Hindi ako magiging number 2 again. NO!

BUT, I love him. Or maybe yun thought na lang? Or maybe kase akala ko na lang? I really dont know. As of now, magparamdam sya kung magpaparamdam, kung hindi eh di hindi. Last night will be the last message na ise-send ko (I sent him a good morning text on viber hahaha). Kinaya ko na ng 19 days, kakayanin ko pa! Gumawa sya ng paraan kung gusto nya talaga ako. Hindi na ako papayag na isa lang akong "part time" or "filler". I deserve better.