On that Sunday din, we talked. Like inabot kame ng 4 hours ata. Puyat lang naman sya, and di ako nakahabol sa spaghetti ni Jeng. Dapat pupunta ako ng Alabastro ng after lunch pa lang, but he kept on talking to me. Nakarating ako kila Jem, 5ish na ata. Pero totoo lang, kinda pinagsisihan ko na lumabas pa ako, sana kinausap ko na lang sya. Nag-enjoy ako sobra sa conversation namin. BTW, video call ito. He wanted to see me daw, eh di rin ako masyado pumapayag sa ganon, but I agreed.
Moving on, Feb 4, we talked again. After ko sabihin na ayoko na sya makausap. Meron syang carino na di ko maintindihan na kahit inis na inis ako, nakukuha nya ako pangitiin and makes me forget about the tampo or inis.
That night, nagkaron na naman kame ng inisan. I went out with BFF Otch and GF's Gladz and Grace. Ayaw nya ako payagan lumabas coz late na and mag-grab/uber lang ako. I went out pa rin, sino sya para pigilan ako diba?!
But when I got home, nag-telebabad kame until 5am ata.
That Sunday naman, he went out with his friends, I think he went to a friend’s house lang, coz he said his friend just got back to Winnepeg. He was drunk, di na nagparamdam until Monday ng 12ish am. Syempre inis ako diba. But he called, explained. Nagbaba kame ng phone na ok. He also told me that he likes me. And I told him I like him too. Actually, before I deleted our messages on Feb 4, he already told me he likes me.
Every morning tinatawagan nya ako to wake me up while his driving pauwi from work. And telebabad kame at night while he is working and I’m in bed.
Weeks din kame ganyan. Nakakakilig yun kahit ipagtulakan mo sya, ayaw nya. Parati nya sinasabi na gusto nya ako and he wants to meet me. Forgot how or when nasabi, but kinilig ako nung sinabi nya na magkikita kame ng May. Uuwi daw sya para ma-meet ako.
Feb 17, his 34th birthday. We talked but not telebabad. He called me while he’s at work. Tapos pinatulog nya lang ako while he's driving. Di namin binaba, until naputol lang. Nung vday din, magkausap kame while pauwi sya, sobra antok ko nakatulugan ko sya eh. Naghilik pa ako. Hahaha kakahiya.
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| This is mys first screenshot that I took of him day before his birthday. |
Feb 21, I tried waking him up at 9pm. Bukod kase sa ginigising nya ako sa umaga ko, ginigising ko rin sya sa umaga nya. He’s not answering, di nagigising ang loko. Worried ako na ma-late sya, I tried calling him on his cellphone, not viber. Nag-voicemail. (Oh side kwento, medaling araw ng 21st, kausap ko sya, nasingit ko na sinubukan ko sya hanapin on FB, he said “wala akong ganon”, but I know meron. Coz a week before that, he sent me a screenshot of his phone na picture ko ang wallpaper nya, showing me na gusto nya ako. I saw an FB messenger icon na active. Meaning, may kausap sya. But ang pagkakamali nya he sent me two screenshots. He forgot na yung sinend nya na pangalawa was yun una nyang screenshot na hindi nya si-nend. Coz when I compared the two screenshots, magkaiba ang time. Mas later yun first screenshot that he sent me and wala nang messenger icons. Eh di nagka-idea ako that he has a facebook.) Anyways, he’s name is Constancio, nickname si Beejay, but since he moved to Canada Jay na lang ginagamit nya. And I only call him Jay when I’m inis, I like calling him Constancio.
So I called his cell, it ringed. Then went straight to voicemail. Eto ka, binanggit nya ang last name nya, its Dela Pena and not Diaz. Kaya pala di ko sya mahanap on facebook. Hahaha so before ko tinuloy pag-gising sa kanya, I immediately opened facebook and searched for Constancio Dela Pena. There’s few, so I opened the first 2. And yun third Constancio, sya na. Profile pic was him with a girl. Naisip ko na ah baka old photo (since sabi nya di sya nag-facebook baka lang luma na), maybe she’s a friend. Then I scrolled down, ayun he’s married. Ni-screenshot ko, then I sent it to him saying “Single pala ah. Asshole”. But I deleted it din.
That night, Brenda and I went out to eat. Di ako nakakain. Bothered na bothered ako. On our way home, I called him, he answered (me thinking, wow sumagot), he said that he’s almost at work and will call me.
But he didn’t call. He didn’t text me. In short, deadma.
Later that night, before ako matulog, I sent him a message saying I will sleep na coz I’m not feeling well. Deadma again.
11ish pm, I sent him a message again not to contact me anymore.
Eh deadma pa rin, syet. At 1am, I said nasaktan nya ako. Potah dedma pa rin. Before 2am, I again sent him a text saying salamat sa panloloko nya, na nasaktan ako, na kahit anong tulak ko sa kanya nagsusumiksik sya saken.
Sumagot sya 6am na. He said sorry and will explain when he gets home. Sabi ko baket pa. Driving daw sya hahaha then he sent me a message pag uwi. He said sorry and ayaw nya ako masaktan. Of course, ano pa nga ba sasabihin diba. He said he didn’t know that he’ll like me kaya he sent me a message on OKC. I cried. I asked him to block me and leave me now. Ayaw daw nya and he said he end up liking me and didnt want to let go and he wants me. Hihiwalayan daw nya wife nya. Ayoko maging reason ng hiwalayan nila, at ayoko maging mistress. He said, no. Hindi ako reason and matagal na raw silang hindi ok. He was on that dating site daw because he feels empty.
Nakakainis. Nag end up din na, nag-usap pa rin kame. Worst, mas lumalim pagtingin ko sa kanya.
Dito rin nag-start na nabawasan time nya saken. But he’s much sweeter na, yun lang umikli time nya. Timing pa nagkasaket sya, naputulan ng data. Plus mga inarte ko.
Until, last Saturday, Mar. 11. We talked. Ang happy kaya namin. And he said “Baby, sunduin mo ako sa airport pag uwi ko?!”, I said “gusto mo ba?”, oo daw. Samahan ko na rin daw sya sa hotel.
Maya maya pa, may pinag-usapan kame and he said he’ll send me a photo. I didn’t know mag-hung up pala sya. So while nasa tenga ko ang phone, nagulat ako tahimik na. Yun pala wala na sya, then naka-rcv nako ng photo. Sumagot pa ako slight, sya din. Mga naka 3 messages pa siguro sya and then natahimik na. Message pa ako ng message pero seen zoned na lang. Mga sumunod, puro delivered na lang sya. Hanggang di na sya nagparamdam.
Sat evening here, I texted him pa. asking what time sya mag-visit kay Cassie (his daughter). Walang sagot. Later nainis ako, I sent him a message saying pagod nako sa set up namin. No answer pa rin, til natulog nako.
Woke up Sunday morning, no word from him pa rin. Sabi ko lang, talagang di na sya nagparamdam. Still, dedma.
Sunday evening, I checked Avegail’s IG, nag post sya parang an hour ago lang, 8pm here yon. Meaning 7am (or was it 6am, di ko sure when sila nagpalit ng time) sa kanya, and nag-like na sya ng mga posts ni girl. Sa inis ko at naisip ko na wow ang aga nag-like na sya samantalang di sya nagpaparamdam saken. Nag-screenshot ako and sinend ko sa kanya, I said “ang aga, ayoko na jay”. Di sumagot.
Monday, wala na talaga. I sent him a goodbye message. Delivered, not seen.
I cried of course. Mahal ko na sya eh. Yun 1-1/2 months na yon, yes I fell for him. He made it so easy for me to fall for him, but not to trust him. I still have trust issues and informed sya don. I don’t think nagkakalabuan sila ng asawa nya. Coz may post pa si Avegail na photo sa IG na “keep calm and wait for may” with caption “see you soon bullkathos”, meaning magkikita sila. And hindi lang ako ang uuwian nya.
Di na sya sumagot. Nagtiis ako mag-message sa kanya, but waited na mabasa nya yun message ko. I prayed last Tuesday, I asked God to help me forget him, coz ayoko ng nararamdaman ko at ayoko ng ganong set up. Ayoko maging mistress. And pinatulog ako ni Lord agad non ah.
Yesterday, last night rather napa-send ako ng message sa kanya. Di pa ako sure na ise-send ko, but kesa close mapindot ko, na-send ko yun message. It was just “Jay?” lang naman.
Di pa ulet ako nakatiis, I said I’m not ready to let go. Didn’t bother to check my message. Til this morning, I asked him na if ayaw na nya ako kausapin, sabihin lang nyang stop, and I’ll stop. I know nakikita nya messages ko sa notification.
Masaket lang kase, baket kahit anong pagtulak ko sa kanya layuan ako, pinagpilitan nya sarili nya kahit alam nyang masasaktan nya ako. Baket kung kukuha lang sya ng ibang babae, baket LDR din? Baket bigla sya tumigil sumagot saken last Saturday kung sobrang okay kame before nya ako binabaan ng phone? What happened?
